I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The adults are the big ones right?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize