I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
