tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
