my vag is so smooth its legendary
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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