Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
