What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize