You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
