"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
