covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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