just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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