I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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