I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
