I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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