please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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