Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize