Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
