Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
ok first of all what the fuck
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