found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The beer is more important than you right now.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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