I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
