cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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