Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
