somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Let's get the cat blown out
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