he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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