Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
