I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
