glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
