My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
