My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
