She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
