found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
