Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
