I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
