I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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