The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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