i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
