Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
