Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize