Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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