All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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