it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
