im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
