please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
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