i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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