i may or may not be watching the land before time
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
