Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
