I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
