youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
