If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
