Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
