I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
