Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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