Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
