I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize