either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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