Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
