sarcasm needs its own font
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize