official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
