How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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