That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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