hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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