I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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