What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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