New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
