someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He has the fingertips of a God
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
