I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i think my cat just said my name.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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