How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
