that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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