i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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