Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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