dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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