I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I party with great urgency now.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
