Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
