you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Randomize
